What is that Woman Thinking?

"Women are always beautiful!" --Ville Valo, lead singer of the Finnish rock band HIM

I like to think this is one of my mantras.  (Guessing, however, I will put this mantra on hold when I write my next blog on the Oscars!)  There are an infinite number of adjectives in every language that describe women perfectly.  Not all adjectives apply to all women, if they did then all women would not be beautiful, they would be dull and repetitive.  Adjectives such as strong, self-assured, funny, smart, witty, kind--these are adjectives many of us strive to be.  But sometimes when you are working to be the above, it can be extremely frustrating to encounter the opposite in another woman.  Adjectives such as needy, weak, helpless, scared, angry, aggressive--while each of us fit these adjectives at some time or another, seeing it in others can make us less sympathetic to their plight or frustrated by their behaviors.  One of my professors once said to me, "We only hate in others what we hate in ourselves."  I think that's true.  Sometimes I feel selfish, I feel needy, I am scared or angry.  I deal with it the best I can.  But when I see it in someone else, it can bring up lots of negative emotions in myself.

Case in point, Rihanna.  In February of 2009, Rihanna was beaten and abused by her then-boyfriend Chris Brown.  While reports surfaced he, too, was beaten by her, she had the greusome picture to prove how bad a beating she had taken.  Now, I have never been beaten by a friend, boyfriend, lover, parent.  I have not lived the fear or feeling of helplessness one probably has when this is occurring.  I've never experienced such anger and aggression that I've beaten anyone else.  Nevertheless, I have known people on both sides of the coin and it is not a pretty thing.  And when I hear of it happening, it angers me.  It makes me feel mad whether it be someone I know or someone I don't.  I automatically hate the abuser.  I automatically feel compassion for the victim.  I don't need to hear details.  Details don't matter.  You don't beat another person until their eyes are swollen, their face is bruised and their mouth bloodied.  I have no sympathy for you, Chris Brown.  None now, none ever.  This man has had anger management, he has had a sentence of five years probation, at which time he is not to contact Rihanna.  In the interim, he trashed a hotel room and he is now accused of stealing a woman's iPhone.  While I suspect there is more to the iPhone incident, it's clear this man is not someone I would want to associate with, especially if I had been beaten by him.

Two weeks ago at the Grammy's, Chris Brown had what most consider a "triumphant comeback."  He performed, he was nominated for his music, and he received a standing ovation at one point.  A STANDING OVATION!  Clearly the music industry was not ready to turn their back on him.  Shamefully, they welcomed him back into the fold with open arms.  Many women were part of that ovation.  We tend to forgive.  Women are always beautiful that way.  If not always thinking clearly.

Remember above when I mentioned he was on five year's probation and ordered to stay away from Rihanna?  Well, it has been three and he's back in her orbit--back in the concert halls she performs in--back in the fold.  And who has been one of his biggest supporters it seems but Rihanna herself.  She has, in the past, told the courts she didn't mind if he were at the same event.  She didn't mind he be welcomed at these Grammys.  I wonder how she felt about the standing ovation?  Was she angry?  Sad?  Elated?  Titillated?  Hmmmm...

At the time I know how I felt.  I was angry!  Angry at him, angry at the producers of the show and the people behind the scenes in music who didn't just let him fall by the wayside!  Another full-of-himself, angry young man who has no idea he isn't the center of the universe.  I also found myself irritated, no, angry at Rihanna.  Why did she say it was ok for him to perform, to be in the same venue?  Why was she allowing this to happen?  Now, two weeks later, we hear Rihanna has cut two tracks with Chris Brown.  I know what they are, I won't listen if I can help it, I won't quote the names here.

Is it wrong to be so angry at Rihanna?  In my heart, I do understand the cycle abused women go through.  I don't want to be unfeeling or judgemental.  But it is pushing all my buttons.  All my angry, irritable buttons.  She is a horrible role model for young women everywhere.  Women are always beautiful.  She maybe doesn't know it.  Is she falling back into a bad pattern?  Is she being pushed into it?  Money talks.  The internet is abuzz with talk, with speculation about the two.  Are they an item again?  Did they record separately or together?  Will they appear to sing a duet on American Idol?  It's all the buzz the famous seek.  It's here that I find I can't find any sympathy.  No, she doesn't have to be a role model for young girls.  It's her prerogative to just be who she is, if people want to idolize her that's their business.  But young girls, especially, can't always see reality for what it is.  They may see her support of him as romantic, as giving a guy another try.  Will these same girls give their abusers another try?  Will it kill them?  Will they eventually kill themselves?  Or will they just grow up and see Rihanna as what she really is.  In my opinion, a fame-seeker who doesn't have the adjectives strong, self-assured, funny, smart, witty, or kind to describe her. 

A Twitter follower of hers made a comment yesterday that she felt Rihanna wasn't smart to go back to working with Chris Brown.  Rihanna replied with a nasty comment about the young woman's avi (her picture) being ugly.  She wasn't ugly.  Women are always beautiful.  Even when there seems little to root for, I guess you just have to try to look deeper.